My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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