I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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