I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
