Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
