A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
