It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
