yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
In America we eat man semen.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
