I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
