A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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