I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
