I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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