Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
