FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
