i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
