I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
