I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So here I am, sexting at work.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
