just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
