Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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