Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
