A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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