I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
