remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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