i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
