The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
