I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
