I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
