Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
