I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
