I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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