I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Pants are for mortals
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
