sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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