found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
