I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
