I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
