i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize