Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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