it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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