i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
