when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
