I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Operation Purity has been aborted
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
