"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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