his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
