You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
