i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
