idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
