Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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