Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize