i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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