people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
