I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
