Buhtt sex?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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