My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
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Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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