i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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