Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Watching her eat just hurts me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
