You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
