Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
