I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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