My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
