I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i want to swaddle you in tequila
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
