i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
