I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
