Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
